Sep 19, 2004

Furrys

What an experience. I thought that kind of stuff only happened in the movies. Ew. After I got home this morning, I showered for about an hour. I guess it was a good object lesson, tho. NEVER be niceto a guy named "Bubba" in jail. Ever.

But anyway. I got home, celebrated my own Independence Day, got me some clean clothes, and I feel better now. I went out on the front porch, took a deep breath of that wonderful **CENSORED** fresh air, and I saw a site that almost dropped me in my tracks: the squirrels. The little furry barstards. I thought that this far Southwest, out in the heat, the little critters wouldn't be able to live. Boy, was I wrong. Up in one of the trees in the front yard, there they were. Them and their big nests, air conditioner units just a-humming along. Well, I couldn't have THAT, could I?

I got out the chain saw, and my neighbor (and his stinking dog) started yelling. Now, I had to do something about THAT too, didn't I. I mean, first thing I had lined all the walls in the house with Reynold's Wrap to block out the mind-control signals that guy was sending out, but outside, within his sphere of influence, I was having a hard time blocking him out, him and his orange pants.

And so, once again, driven by circumstance, I took matters into my own hands. I walked right over there, smacked his dog right in the kisser, and made International Gesture #47, "Righteous Anger With Psychotic Overtones." Took him quite by suprise, I am sure. He just lay there on his porch, gasping for breath.

So THAT taken care of, I went back to my yard and cut the tree down, squirrels and air conditioned nests and all.

How was I to know that the tree would fall across the power lines?

And firemen! I thought those guys were supposed to be really cheerful and happy people. Boy, was I wrong. Sheesh, cranky. Maybe I interrupted their bbq or something.

Today's colour: It sure ain't red. Firemen...sheesh.
Today's scent: freon pouring out of ruptured AC units
Today's word: Tiiimber!
Today's music: The Lumberjack Song
Today's tele: OLN

And the finale? September 19 is "National Butterscotch Pudding Day." I swear, who comes up with this stuff? Truth CAN be stranger than fiction. It just doesn't pay as well.

No comments: