Oct 11, 2004

M5 I ain't

I can't type long, the alien who makes me call him "mother" keeps banging on the walls, and I am afraid the neighbor might hear. I think his dog has already tapped my phones.

So where was I? Ah yes, the vacuum cleaner! In this past week, so many new things have come to light in my life. I mean, the truth about carpet. I will never look at carpet the same way again.

When I found out, I tore out ALL the carpet in my house, piled it up in a huge mound in the back yard, and doused it all in gasoline and set it aflame. After I got my arms and hair put out, and my eyeballs had stopped stinging, I ran to the local handyman store, and got several rooms worth of linoleum. I mean, linoleum is peaceful, quiet, and relatively non-territorial. That, and the vacuum cleaner said that linoleum was the way to go. I trust the vacuum. We have been through a lot together.

Well, anyway, the vacuum said that the carpet went WAYYY back, back to the previous owner of the house, a Roman Centurian. Apparently this guy had a bad habit of knocking the dust from his sandals every time he entered the living room, and the carpet had really absorbed a LOT of abuse, pain, and hard feelings about this. Well, how was I to know that it had been harboring all this hate for so long! Wouch. Well, it's all taken care of now.

I just hope my eyebrows grow back soon. I feel silly.

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