Nov 6, 2004

Republicans? I love them, slow basted for a few hours with a honey glaze...

So George W. Bush dies, and is ushered to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter meets him, and says "George, you were a good man, you died without sin, and so now you have a choice--Heaven, or Hell."

George W. is curious, so he asks "Can I see both before I decide?" Saint Peter willingly agrees, and opens the Pearly Gates to show him Heaven. George W. sees people involved in deep philosopical discussions, worshiping God on high, working diligently, and in general basking in the blessings of Heaven. When he's done looking, Saint Peter opens the clouds at their feet a bit, and lets George W. see Hell. It's filled with people doing all sorts of exciting things--laughing and dancing and dining on thick steaks and baked potatoes overflowing with butter and sour cream, wearing beautiful clothing, drinking exotic drinks together, making love on huge overstuffed couches and beds, or driving fast Italian exotic cars.

George thinks it over, and says "I think I'll choose Hell, Saint Peter."

George W. is cast into Hell, and the first thing he sees is people chained to huge boulders, flames licking their bare flesh, demons and devils of every horrible description whipping them with straps covered in broken glass, rending their flesh, and in general working every kind of horror on their souls. As he's lead to his own burning boulder, he turns to Satan and says "But what happened to the people drinking and dining and making love?"

Satan says "That was the campaign, this is the reality. It's too late, you've already voted."

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