Dec 31, 2004

Motorcycling Today

Today is the motorcycling post--the one for-real rant of the year.

For starters--purple and gold looks lame on a bike, I don't care HOW much you like LSU. And it looks even stupider on a Harley, which is hard to do, but it can be done. Wearing purple and gold running clothes on a Harley Piglet makes you ten times as lame. Painting your helmet to match a LSU football helmet makes you just look retarded.

Fat guy on a Hayabusa? My wife saw you, not me, but she told me all about how lame you were, pulling wheelies all down Coliseum Blvd. Heres a free tip--before you try to ride wheelies, LEARN HOW TO RIDE. Wandering off the road every time you wheelie is not the idea here, moron, and only shows how much you still have to learn. Fortunately for the rest of the riding community, squids like you don't last long, and are taken back out of the gene pool, if we're all lucky.

I ride with my highbeams on all the time so you can SEE me. Flashing yours back at me while it's still daylight is lame, and at night it doesn't matter, because even the tallest SUV can't aim it's headlights taller than a 6'2 guy on a sportbike. I do that so you SEEEEE me, not to annoy you. I'd rather you notice me and NOT hit me than think that that one low beam light is a car with one light out and decide to share part of my lane with me. I don't care about you because you don't care about motorcyclists. How often have I heard "I didn't see him." Well, boyo, you've got not excuse now.

Wearing a ton of swag is to PROTECT oneself, not to look cool. Quit posing, goths and squids.

Lessee--what else.

Ah yes. When the sign says "We close at 5 pm on New Years Eve," it means we close at 5 pm on New Years Eve. Coming up to the door and whining, begging, threatening or otherwise being a nerk will NOT get you inside. It gets you laughed at harder when you leave. Be like the other 570 people that came through today and gave us their money DURING REGULAR BUSINESS HOURS. They managed, why can't you? And when we're leaving the door en masse, about eight of us in uniform, holding car keys and lunchboxes, take a hint, don't hang in your door like a poorly groomed dog, hoping we're suddenly gonna relent and let you in to shop some. We're gonna go home and tell stories about you tonite while we're partying with our friends. We're gonna MOCK you because you're not bright enough to understand that the world, contrary to your belief, revolve around you.

*pant pant*

Have a Happy New Year, ya'll.

Love to everyone who reads this blog regularly--you know who you are, and I know who YOU are for the most part, and it means a lot that I have an audience, no matter how small. You are appreciated, deeply, sincerely, and with gratitude.

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