Dec 25, 2004

Spavined Squirrel Kibble:

Buy some today! Now With Vitamin S!

It's Xmas Day eve, I have to return to work tomorrow, which bites major, and everyone expects me to blog something Xmas-y, some sugar-sweet walk down memory lane, or a sober reflection on times past from a man getting older every year, perhaps sensing his own mortality in the depth of winter.

Nope. I'm gonna talk about laundry. Not even gonna gripe about how I only heard The Little Drummer Boy three times this entire Xmas season, even tho I listened to xmas carols on the radio at work since the day after Turkey Day. Laundry it is, and laundry today's subject will remain.

And not another word about Spavined Squirrel Kibble.

I have in my little house the following--me, a wife, and one daughter aged 10. We are NOT fashion horses, we don't change clothes eight times a day. My wife likes the occasional soaking bath during the evenings in addition to showering in the morning, but nothing extraordinary. I shower and shave once a day, no more. My daughter washes her face occasionally, bathes when she hasn't washed at her grandmother's house, and that's it. We don't work at exceptionally dirty jobs, nor do we change clothes very often.

Why is it then that I spent a fair share of my morning and all of my evening thus far washing clothes? Sorting clothes this afternoon, I find myself with the following piles clogging the walkway through the den to the washroom--

1 pile of dark towels
1 pile of light towels
1 pile of dark clothes (jeans and the like)
2 piles of light clothes
1 pile of work shirts (blue Oxford striped)
1 pile of intermediate coloured stuff--lavender, etc.
1 huge pile of grey items (grey is the new black)
1 smallish pile of red things

My GAWD, what gives?? One week's worth of clothing, and I've got NINE LOADS OF CLOTHES TO WASH!! And I've got one of those industrial washing machines that, during a bicycle tour of Taiwan I stole from one of Kathy Lee Gifford's sweatshops, and I've STILL got nine loads of clothes to wash, dry, then fold or otherwise put away. And this xmas, more so than any other, all of us got as presents--wait for it--clothes. I swear I'm putting out enough water for washing to fill several large reservoirs with left over for watering the Siani Desert, and enough hot air from the dryer to keep the entire house warm without using the central heat.

Damn, I need to find out some way to harness that hot air, recirculate it into some sort of Rube Goldbergesque machine with about a thousand moving parts and several bowling balls and long chutes and a big baseball glove in there somewhere, a thing that recirculates the hot air (sans lint) into the house again.

On the cool side, it snowed in New Orleans today, probably for the first time since dinosaurs ruled the Earth.

Merry merry merry

1 comment:

myerinmama said...

I spent about 6 hours trying to sort, fold and put away laundry for myself, my sister, her 3 kids and we still have a room of laundry to do!!! I dont know where it comes from either since my one niece wears a school uniform and I tend to change into the same grungy leggings every night after work!!! Its a conspiracy!!!! None of us can take on a 2nd job because of it!!! Enjoy your New Year!!!