Apr 25, 2005

Field Trip

What is it with field trips suddenly?

When I was a kid, field trips were usually to things like the Municipal Sewer Treatment Plant and to Angola State Pennitentary, and we usually only lost like three or four a year, and we were thankful for it! The moment I saw the skinny white felon with the Leonard Skinner hair and the words "sweet" and "sour" razor-blade tattooed above his nipples I decided then and there that my burgeoning life of crime was at an end. I won't tell you what the Municipal Sewage Treatment Plant tour did to me. I'm not even going to go into what happened that time I went fishing at the Mary Hill Religious Retreat. *shame*

So, my daughter the weerelephant is in fourth grade and is taking a trip tomorrow to the state capital, Baton Rouge, there to tour the USS Kidd, a floating WWII destroyer escort/museum in the Big Muddy, and then to the State capital, to see where The Kingfish got shot. Me, I'm responsible for getting her intact to the local steak house parking lot at six bloody thirty in the morning. My sweet gravy people, these are 10 year olds! They're gonna be wired for sound, and I'm gonna look like an extra from George Romero's new zombie movie.

I mean damn, people! These kids don't need enrichment, they need to slave for hours over hot pencils with a thousand year old nun standing over them armed with a steel yardrule, ready to slash out at a second's notice! They need guilt, guilt, and more guilt! They need to live in mortal terror of getting caught even THINKING about sex! They need pain, anguish, and....

Durn, I turned Catholic for a moment there. My apologies.

And this is all the post you're gonna get for tomorrow morning, so make it last. There are kids in China who are starving for entertainment and would KILL to have a blog entry to read in the morning.

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