Hello, my name is Irrelephant, and I'm an addict.
To the computer, that is. Got home yesterday afternoon after a long week at work, sat down in the office here, wiggled the mouse, and realised that there was a little blinking icon down on the toolbar there which was busily trying to tell me that there was a network cable unplugged. Now I know this is impossible, because I personally JB Welded every connection off that modem into the box so there would be NO chance of it every coming unplugged, so I take a glance down at the modem, and what do my wide-set eyes see? No lights.
Suppressing my panicked cries, I call the cable company's tech support, and it went a lot like this:
Irrelephant: Hello yes, this is Irrelephant, telephone number 47, my cable modem is dead. I don't have any lights, including the power light, I plugged the wall plug into another outlet and that's not it, and have reset the computer and the modem. It's about two years old, and I guess it finally died.
Tech Support: Hallo, this is Buffy, how can I help you?
Irr: Uhm...yes, my cable modem is dead. No lights, no power.
TS: Uhm...*sound of madly flipping pages*...have you tried resetting it?
Irr: Yes. It's got NO POWER.
TS: Ooooh. Uhm...*flip flip flip* Okay, so what was your phone number again?
TS: Okay...uhm...er...*flip flip* Let me try sending a test signal to it.
TS: *long pause* Uhm...yeah okay, it looks like the problem is on your side.
Irr: Yes. It's dead. The modem. It's dead. No power.
TS: Aaah...uhm...*flip flip* Let me see if I can...we've been getting a lot of calls from your area...uhm...*flip flip* Okay uhm...let me see if I can set you up for a service call for tonight, if not...uhm...they'll be there...er...Monday.
Irr: *gritting teeth* Yes, please.
TS: Okay, so uhm when they let me know I'll call you back and let you know when to expect him.
Irr: Yes. Okay. *click*
Three hours pass, I finally reach the end of my USB cord, and call back. It went something like this:
TS: Tech Support, this is John.
Irr: Hi, John, this is Irrelephant, telephone number 47, I called earlier to set up a trouble ticket for my modem which has died, no power, and they said they'd set me up for either tonight or for Monday, and they never called. Can you tell me when I've been set up for?
TS: Sure thing. *sound of madly clicking keyboard* Okay, she set you up for Monday. You said you have no power at all to your modem?
Irr: That's right.
TS: All right, let's see if I can't get a supervisor to override that service call to tonight. *more clicking sounds* We've had a lot of calls from down your way tonight, there must be some bad weather down there. *steady working on keyboard all the while* Is it still raining there?
Irr: Uhm...yes, actually it is.
TS: Dang. My girlfriend and I were going to come down there to that great Mexican place you guys have, we're in Town An Hour And A Half Hour South Of Youville and it's stopped here. She really digs Mexican food. Okay, so I've got the supervisor on the line and she's going to override the local service call from Monday to tonight, and...she's done that, so I can set you up for *more clicking sounds* tonite, which I have, and you should see a repair man pretty shortly.
TS: Okay, so you have a good night, Mr. Irrelephant!
Irr: Ah? Thanks?
TS: Thanks for calling Cox Communications. Bye. *click*
Irr: Er? Uhm?
Within fifteen minutes I had a guy calling for directions to the house from the closest cross street from here, and within another three minutes he was in the house unplugging things. Five minutes and one phone call later and he's got it hooked back up and is going back into the rain to his next call.
Man. When Cox blows it blows bigtime, but when they're on the ball they're unreal. The important thing, of course, is that my umbilicus is reattached, and I can blog, surf, and otherwise be a citizen of cyberspace, which is how I like things, thank you! *click*