"'Ere now luv, wot's Irrelephant on about this morning?"
"Aaaah, says 'ere 'e's got sommat to say 'bout change in 'is life."
"Ooh, that's rubbish that is, 'e's always so self-impor'ant when 'e's on about change. Click 'im off then, I'm gonna watch BBC4 for a bit."
All right, so let's not talk about change. I had in the back of my mind something about trees getting bigger and children growing up, but let's leave that for another day, shall we?
I wonder, though, is that how it really goes in Real Life out there? Out there with my massive readership of 12 good spirits and true, that is. I know that about half of you know me in person, so that's one thing, but the rest of you poor sods--good heavens. I was wondering how those of you, the other half, view me. I'm always on about masks, about the public faces that we each have, and I always wonder exactly what mask I wear when I'm here with you.
Sometimes I feel that my language is a little different, but then I realise that's not the case, because I've been told by a lot of people who know me that I write in a very stream-of-conciousness sort of way, so that it seems like I'm carrying on a rather one-sided conversation with someone, and that it sounds very natural, so I guess I do talk this way, so at least you've got my cadences and words down.
I don't talk about all my interests here, because some of it doesn't really lend itself to discussion as easily as some others. I love to read, but a blog about reading sounds like it might be a bit tedious. I smoke my pipes and cigars a lot, and am very enamoured of my pipes, and I know they do tend to show up here and there in the posts, but I don't go on about my latest Preben Holm, because pipes are such a niche item that I'd lose every one of you, more than likely, and cigar people can be a bit snobbish.
Motorcycling is a good one, I've talked about that once or twice, and I remember one particularly good post about it way back when, but I don't go on about it at length. Again, it's rather a niche subject, and there's only so much most folks would put up with if I were to start nattering on about displacements and how many clicks out from full your rear shock should be set at. See, I just lost one right there.
So thus far we've got Irrelephant on a bike, smoking a pipe, with a book in his hand. So far, so good.
Hats. I'm a big hat wearer. I don't know that we've ever discussed that bit. I have a pair of fedoras that I really enjoy wearing when the temp is less than 95 outside, and when I'm wearing nice clothes; the rest of the time it's either a helmet or a Kangol ivy cap, right now in black, tho I'd rather like another one, just to be different. I've got a few generics, one in tan I rather like, and a grey one that's a bit icky that gets very little skull time, and my sys got me one a few Xmases back, one of the new style sleek felt ones in black that I quite like, but again, only when it's cool out.
So now the pipe smoking book reading bike sitting Irrelephant has a Kangol on. And sling a camera around his neck, because if you haven't gathered by the Picture of The Moment I rather like my cameras. And lessee--stick a nice fountain pen in his shirt-pocket, and a pocket watch chain on the right side. And a T-shirt and a pair of sweat pants, because he's at home and comfortable. And what else?
I guess an old truck in the background would be nice. And maybe a garter snake wrapped around one arm, to show love of nature. (BTW, I found a lovely little specimen in the ditch yesterday while cutting grass--pretty as a picture it was, thin as a horsewhip and so black and green it looked freshly painted) And a computer somewhere, because I've allowed myself to get desperately enamoured of this, my square-headed girlfriend with the nice pair of speakers and a really firm mouse.
And let's not forget about the painting, and the woodworking, and the music, no rap nor country, just a bit of classical with some old Jazz and some 80's hair band for spice. And bird feeders. And the fishing.
Getting a bit crowded? Let's set that mask aside then, and go again.
"Hello, my name is Irrelephant, and I'll be your server tonight. Can I start you off with an appetizer?"