Nov 11, 2005

Weasel Coffee

I forgot to mention this morning that I had a big, steaming cup of Weasel Coffee when I got to work, and it's energised and fulfilled me so much that I HAD to write about it.

Yes, Weasel Coffee. Made from only the finest Guatemalan Stringy Highland Coffee beans, lovingly cleaned bean by bean by very hirsute women standing in large copper vats that are never washed. The beans are transported from the Filthy Copper Washing Vats to a dark, musty outbuilding where they are stored in the company of rats and voles for as long as three days, allowing the beans to rest and slowly air dry.

Weasel Coffee. You can rest assured that each bean has been gently but thoroughly masticated, slowly swallowed, lovingly digested and passed carefully through the intestinal tract of only the finest, most luxurious of Peruvian Boot Weasels, housed as they are in a series of mobile homes perched precariously on the Peruvian mountainsides. You can rest assured that each animal has been hand-picked from amongst the thousands of applicants from the Peruvian Boot Weasel farms that dot the lowlands of Peru, which exist in the shadows of the tenebrously mounted Peruvial Boot Weasel Living Quarters.

Weasel Coffee. To ensure that only the highest quality weasels are picked from the teeming herds only the top ten weasels are choosen from each year's adult animals, and the rest are drowned in the Peruvian River Delta, thereby making sure that the surviving weasels know how lucky they are. Only in this manner can the stomach acids of a Peruvian Boot Weasel deliver just the right quantity and quality of digestive juices to bring out the dark, rich, chocolatey flavor of Weasel Coffee.

Weasel Coffee. Enjoy a hot, steaming cup of it's dark, rich, and deeply satisfying fulfillment today. The weasels will thank you for it.

1 comment:

Vulgar Wizard said...

Weasel Coffee makes Loki-bo-Boki vom!