Dec 19, 2005

I'm Like A Bad Doctor--

I keep losing my patience.

*rim shot*

Utter jerk that I am, I didn't post this morning. I didn't even post yesterday, I think. Dayum I suck. Out loud.

All right, that's enough of the self-flaggelation. Sorry for my absence, hope to do better next time, I'll say three Hail Marys and five Our Fathers and go forth cleansed.

Roight.

I'm ready for Xmas to be over and done with. I've got the shopping taken care of, not but one more present on the way to deal with and that, as they say, will be that, and I'm sooo ready to be finished with the huge crowds in town and the fact that 'love your fellow man' does not extend to include your fellow motorist, EVER, and all the red and green and the horrid fakey white-light icicle strings that are hanging off every other house.

I'm so bitter.

In point of fact, I'm actually better this year than I have been in, oh...many many years. See, I spent most of my adult life working in retail. Retail at Xmas is the same as having your left nostril pulled around to your right earlobe and stapled there. I spent six of those years working in my own little slice of Hell called Toys Backward R Us. THAT makes the nose/earlobe stapling thing look like Mary Freaking Poppins baking cookies in the kitchen. And all those years combined, watching every person I have ever seen in my life act like a complete and utter yabberhead made The Grinch in me sit up and take notice.

I hated Xmas. I hated everything about it. And retail made it worse.

Three years ago it finally started getting a little better. My daughter was old enough by then to be really extraordinarily fun at this time of year, and I was far enough away from Toys (1996 was my last year there) for the memories to finally be scarred over enough that I could step foot in a store and not feel the insane urge to straighten aisles and bark at employees not to forget "The 10 Foot Rule." And screaming kids? I will tell you right now that if your child misbehaved in my presence I was fully ready to deploy my GI Joe Kung-Fu Grip to pop that child's head off it's shoulders like two Lego blocks separating.

But that's in the past. Mostly. I'm better now. And being able to actually ENJOY the season has gone a long way toward making me a whole person again.

Speaking of, I'm due for my electroshock therapy.

Talkies Tuesday--only hours away, on this channel. Stay Tuned!

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