Jan 26, 2006

What You Need, What You Need To Know

They having kicked it to the curb, I feel reasonably free in using Orrifice Depot's old slogan for this post's title, since it does, in a vague sort of way, involve office supplies.

From the
What Does Irrelephant Have On His Workstation Computer Monitor Department:

What Does Irrelephant Have On His Computer Monitor:

  • The Green Brain
  • The Official "Obey The Green Brain!" Avery 5160 label*
  • The Unofficial Logo Of The Green Brain translated into Latin (Obedecer Cerebro Verde!!! 'or something') written on a square of paper
  • A 1/72 scale model of my Interceptor, appropriately coloured with Sharpie markers* for a more realistic look
  • jumbo paper clip*, gold in colour
  • a 1/144th scale model of a Fokker Dr. 1 Eindecker
  • my lucky fortune cookie fortune--"Your ability to find the silly in the serious will take you far!" My lucky numbers I shall hold secret
  • one tiny, silver sticker of a fish
  • a 1" square B&W cutout of a generic 50's man's face with "'Fo Shizzle!" underneath it
  • two inches of adding machine paper* that has a total of $3.50 and the word "about" handwritten over it in Vulgar Wizard's handwriting
  • two rather disturbingly coloured stickers of ostomy pouch cartoon characters, one on a big-wheel and one flying a balloon, both of which have the word "firnk" carefully written on them.
  • a pair of ballpoint pen clips.
  • The Skeleton Paper Stick Puppet(tm)

And remember, forewarned is forearmed, so arm yourself with knowledge!

* an office supply--see, told you office supplies figured in this post. That'll teach you to doubt me.


Vulgar Wizard said...

"What I Have On/Around My Monitor"
by Vulgar Wizard

1. 4 Avery labels; one listing every phone number for the office; one listing the office's physical and mailing addresses, and one with important company-specific numbers that don't concern you.

2. One sticker of a red smiley face with appendages, riding a big wheel (from a box of ostomy bags).

3. A fortune from a fortune cookie that reads "you should be able to make money and hold on to it." Uhm, okay.

4. A picture of my husband from gradeschool.

5. A note from Irrelephant stating "it will be a nice day if it doesn't ovipositor", complete with a drawing of a cricket butt with an ovipositor.

6. A set of yellow flags for pointing out the obvious bits in routine paperwork to moronic clinical staff members.

7. A note to remind me to fax missed visit notes to doctors offices.

8. A note listing the four positions open at our office in case prospective applicants call and say, "yeah, I was wantin' to know is you all hirin'?"

9. A note listing the correct item number for disposable digital thermometer probe covers.

10. An origami crane lovingly folded by Irrelephant out of a Hershey's dark chocolate kiss wrapper.

11. A roll of "sign here" flags for pointing out to doctors where to sign their names on orders.

12. Dust.

The End.

Vulgar Wizard said...

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.



Interesting I must say.... On my monitor -- you wouldn't want to know. *snicker*