Feb 2, 2006

My Connection

My lifeline, my electronic umbilicus to the world at large called The Internet is lagging.

That stinks.

The rains came last night in force. Along with the force of winds, which was nice since I no longer live in a house that sighs and moans like an accordian with the wind. But on the downside of that, Cox (suckers) Internet's lines and cables and other esoterica of television and broadband access have been blown apart, tossed to the four winds, and soaked in rainwater, so like Ma Bell's underground and cheap and old telephone lines I have static, noise, and other artifacts that slow down connections something fierce.

I blew my knee out yesterday afternoon, that was nice. Vulgar Wizard, The Screamin' Lemur and I decided that it was time to start exercising, meaning walking, to help lose a few of these winter pounds that have settled around our various bits. The day before was Day 1, and I immediately suffered that sort of shooting pain in my left calf, the one that feels like someone has rammed a foot-long splinter up your shinbone. "Splints" I think they call it. "Hurts like a motherf**ker" I called it. But I bore with it, and made it home alive. Yesterday, full of excitement that I was exercising again, we all went out again. Halfway through the walk I realised that if I did't stop soon I was going to DIE of a cramp, so I had to bail. They carried on, I limped/hopped to the house, there to hurt and use Tiger Balm in mass quantities. This morning I have copious amounts of fluid under my kneecap and a strange throbbing in the muscles behind my shin.

Thus endeth my active exercise program. See, doc? I've got an excuse for not exercising! I'm falling slap apart, much like Cox Internet's cable lines.

What a lovely tie-in. I learned that from Garrison Keillor--let the story wander as much as you'd like, as long as it ties together in the end. And here you thought I was heavily medicated or something.

Boy I wish.

No comments: