Feb 1, 2006

Narcolepsy And Your Job

One day, without warning, you could well find yourself asleep on your workstation keyboard and be completely unaware of how you came to be lying there, your cheek crushed upon the keyboard and a steady string of k's displaying on your screen.  Whatever will the keystroke counter think?  How will you explain the permanent imprint of
"UIOP
JKL:
M<>?"
on your face to your spouse and family?
You, yes you could be victim of doctors and scientists haven't worked too hard yet to come up with a name for, but what we will be calling "Workplace Induced Narcolepsy."
Like it's namesake 'narcolepsy,' Workplace Induced Narcolepsy, or 'WIN' as I like to call it is primarily caused by a workplace that does not offer enough stimulation to keep your otherwise very horse-play and foolish behaviour oriented mind active.  Symptoms may include nausea, dizzyness, a loss of muscle control throughout the body but primarily centering in the eyelids and neck weakness, causing the victim's head to suddenly loll onto the chest.
This disease can be a potentially harmful one, as being caught snoozing under your desk can be construed as a failure to maintain the proper work mindset, what we like to call 'workthink,' and naturally a lack of workthink is considered harmful and double plus ungood by the management.
Now keep in mind that WIN is not to be confused with it's very close relative "Clothing Induced Workplace Narcolepsy" or "CIWN," which is the exact same as WIN in all aspects and symptoms save one: Clothing Induced Workplace Narcolepsy is primarily caused by wearing bedclothes to work during the day and having oneself exposed in said sleepwear to a steady procession of vendors, including but not limited to: the garbageman, the water cooler delivery men, your UPS driver and the coffee vendor who only shows up twice a year.
I can't keep my eyes open!

3 comments:

Vulgar Wizard said...

You should have brought your night cap.

Caffeinated Mommy said...

that would be so cool if you had a night cap. do you? cuz that would be cool. : )

Irrelephant said...

I don't, but sometimes wish I did. Right now, though, on top of The Big List Of Hats To Buy Soonest is a fez, not a nightcap. And no, I'm not joining the Shriners, I just want a jaunty red fez to wear with my slippers and my paisley silk dressing gown, so I can sit in a big wing-back chair, smoking some lovely Turkish blend Latakia tobacco in my pipe while reading a book of forgotten lore, with my fez sitting rakishly on my head.

Sweet.