Mar 31, 2006

Moving Of Computer Related Equipment

This company is dynamic. It's my bragging point. And sometimes we need to do something like move a computer to another desk, or hook up another workstation at another location. This is ordinarily effortless, except when we have to involve our IT department in Baton Rouge.

Earlier in the week we had fax machine troubles, as well as network problems with our printers. We exhausted all our options in-facility, which are not negligable in the least, but we couldn't make things work, so we had to involve IT. We try to avoid this option at all costs because, as we all know, once you involve our IT department everything will come to a grinding halt. Everything.

We have gotten calls from them on trouble tickets that are, I kid you not, two months old. Problems that we have already fixed OURSELVES.

So this morning, upon receiving a cocky, snotty, holier-than-thou email from our IT Spport Manager I feel inclined to write.

Screw you jerks. Let me list the ways:


  • It's your fault that this entire network is as frail as a train bridge made of popsicle sticks.
  • It's your problem that you cannot open more than three windows on a system that by it's very name implies that it is designed to have multiple programs (in separate windows) open at once without bringing the whole office to a crashing halt.
  • It is your fault that after 9am here, when the next time zone's employees comes into their offices at their 8am the entire network trembles like an old man's neck wattle in a high wind.
  • Everyone in this company knows that if we have to call you guys we will

    • not get a human being on the phone
    • not get a call back for at least 5 business days
    • more often than not get a prickish tech when they DO call back
    • not get an answer until you talk to your supervisor
    • will not get the problem fixed on the first try



And the next time you send an email saying "...company policy dictates that approval must be requested from and granted by the {IT} Department PRIOR to the movement of any computer related equipment...as well as moving items within the same office...policy is in place to insure uninterrupted productivity, as well as to prevent down time to the company's employees...and damage to the {Company} network" I will reply with an email of my own telling you all to fuck off because some of us know how to handle most problems in the office, know how to plug in a Cat5 cable and can even handle small office networking, as well as knowing when to call in the hardware guys when we need to, without having to come begging to you for permission to get a cable strung to another outlet, and the only down-time we experience is due to you hiring people to work on our system who are nothing more than a bunch of mouth-breathing mono-syllabic ball-scratching Neanderthals with wildly distored ideas of their own self-importance and a propensity for soliciting syphillitic $5 whores, who are headed up by a moron whose presence could screw up a wet dream and whose professional skill set is more inclined to his leading lemurs to the ocean than the Information Technology Department of a billion dollar a year compay, and whose head would collapse if he picked his nose for more than five consecutive minutes.

So. I'm going to go back on my work-induced-ulcer diet of poppy seeds, wheat chaff and meadowlark's tongues until our IT department either pulls their heads out of their collective asses with an audible "POP" or their wing of the building along with the server farm simply slides off the corporate tower into the hell that they so richly deserve: one without electricity.

2 comments:

Vulgar Wizard said...

Saaaaaaa-weeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!!!!!!

Okay, now, tell them the part where you plugged the network printer Cat5 into the wrong slot . . . . LOL!!!!

Irrelephant said...

Yeah, so I'm not a complete computer guru. *lol*