Apr 30, 2006

That Friday Thing, Rather Delayed

*snap crunch click* Attention on the concourse--Friday's Flight of Fancy has been temporarily delayed. Meal vouchers and cold glances will be distributed to all passengers who missed their Friday Flight Of Fancy Connection. We're sorry for any inconvenience that this may have caused you. We know you have a choice in blogline services and we thank you for choosing Irrelephant's Super-Extraordinarily Cheap Econo-Blog, seeing as it's free and all. *click*

Yeah, so what if I suck. At least I'm compulsive about it.

Eileen knew that she should seek help, knew it deep in her copious guts, but as she rolled down the frilly lime green blinds over the double-locked windowpane and continued from there to complete her breathless circuit of the house, checking every window and door was secured, she gloated in her overweight and overheated brain over her own private compulsion, secure in the knowledge that, after having googled her particular obsession and found zero hits, that she was the only person in the world to suffer this peculiar malady, this strange margarine-induced desire, this her sole claim to fame, and as she ran this peculiar fact over and over in her head her hands made circumspect wringing motions as if to duplicate her sweaty thoughts; as this transpired she made her oily and perspiring way to the kitchen, there to face the three-foot tall sculpture she had painstakingly worked on for the entire morning, one long fevered labour of what could not be called love, only emotional distress and frank mental disease, and taking one last huge sniff of the dairy-scented air she began to devour the butter troll she had so carefully crafted from exactly one thousand two hundred and ten sticks of Land O' Lakes pure butter, (no margarine or other foul, impure, fat-free butter products here,) starting at his misshapen skull and it's so lovingly crafted stringy, matted hair, to end at his gnarled hammer toes.

Wow, I have issues.


Vulgar Wizard said...



Nancy Dancehall said...

Ditto what VW said, plus


Oh that's good...that's really good.
(Just one little thing -- 'oleo-scented air'--oleo is pure margarine. Maybe dairy-scented air? Sorry; compulsive editor here.)

Have you been over to 'What If?' It's open to anyone who wants to play, and you'd have a great time! link's on my page.

Caffeinated Mommy said...

That is hilarious. But I also threw up in my mouth a little.