Sep 22, 2006

Zoom-A-Zoom-Zoom And A Car Note

Well, the Irrelephant Fambily has gone and done it. We've taken an SUV into our lives.

Okay, it's not REALLY an SUV, it's actually considered a "Cross-Over Vehicle," but since COV doesn't have that sort of sibilant sound that SUV does, it's 'the car.' But I still can't help but feel that I've just stomped my inner hippy into the dust. Which is not necessarily that bad a feeling. I've certainly stopped all that vegetarian-type thinking I was doing, and went out and ran down and killed an elk with my bare hands and teeth and devoured it's liver and most of it's shank. Well, okay, so maybe it was a small elk, and it was sickly, but I did run it down. And eat it.


I call it 'the car' that because it reminds me a lot of a car. No, it reminds me of a station wagon on steroids. It makes me think of the old Pontiac Kingswood station wagon we used to own, the brown behemouth with it's 350 V-8 engine, in which I learned to drive on the road. Difference being, this one is cool. It's a Mazda CX-7, in a kind of funky neat-o Royal Metallic Flake Candy Extra Sparkle Blue sorta colour, with tan cloth insides because leather is too swank for my pocketbook, as is the Grande Touring Edition that had everything but a bidet (which I think will be a factory option on next year's CX-9.)

It's a fun little thing, it's got a super-charged four-cylinder, so it gets fair mpgs while being very fast, which is nice, and it's got room for Borzoi doggies, which is even nicer, and it's also got a dashboard about a mile deep and three miles long, all of which is covered in a sort of naugahyde/pebbled/matte black vinyl sort of dealie, and it has chrome-trimmed, bright red illuminated aircraft-type instruments, which at night makes it look like you're staring at a Satanic Christmas tree (and isn't THAT an image you want to forget!)

But that's cool. It's got nice trick aluminum rims straight from the factory, and window-tint on all the windows, darker as you get back into the cavernous cargo hold. And speaking of which, this thing, with the back row of seats down? It's got enough room back there that I wish it came standard with a forlift. It's so big inside I can stand upright in the back and bounce the full-sized spare. In the middle of the roof there's a big illuminated plexi sign that has a map and a little X with an arrow that says "You Are Here." I promise you, it's bigger on the inside that it is on the outside, which makes me think a certain Doctor might love one for Hisself. The colour is certainly right.

I will say this with a relatively straight face--it certainly gets a lot of looks. I can't tell if it's the colour (it's the only one in town right now, and only one more coloured like it on the lot) or if it's the Lexus SUV/Porsche Cayenne/Nissan Sombrero or whatever it's called styling, but it certainly has a lot of people staring at it. Well, maybe it was that or maybe it was the sight of me in my ice-blue shaved velour disco-lounge suit trying to hang a glitter-ball from the roof in back.

It's even got that 'slap shifter' thing that never quite made it on the old Buick 442. It's an automatic, naturally, I mean, standard is for racecars, but it's got a "manual shift" option, in which you can slap or bonk or whatever the shifter up or down, and the automatic tranny shifts whenever you bonk it, and you don't have to deal with a clutch or anything, and if you turn off the Traction Control System computer you can spin the wheels and make it fish-tail and everything. Just like a real car.

Yeah, I can't stand it either. Give me a three-on-the-tree any old day. But, this isn't my car, and I'll likely put no more than about 12 miles on it during it's next decade with us, so it's all good.

At least it fits in the garage.


The Ivory Pen said...

Holy Moses on a Sub Sandwich! I cannot even see you folding yourself into that thing!!

Vulgar Wizard said...

My husband killed two buzzards that had taken over his deer stand since last season, but there was no sport in it since he didn't have to run them down.

Dance, dance!!!