Oct 15, 2006

Poop.

You know, almost nothing in the world is funnier than potty humour. Except maybe a bus-full of HIV-positive Evangelical Christians going over a jagged precipice into an active volcano. THAT'S comedy.

But second to that is potty humour, and since I'm too tired and sick in the bowels to sit here for more than five minutes at a stretch, I offer you this little delight, compliments of (well, okay, I seriously doubt he knows I just cut-and-pasted it, because I didn't exactly tell him, or ask for permission or anything, but hey, this IS the Information Age, right, and this IS information, albeit of questionable value...now where the hell was I? Oh yes, the credit where credit is due.)

Uhm...oh. This guy, the Anonymous Coworker, recently posted a list of terms for someone who is ready to move their bowels immediately:

  • There was a turtle-head poking out.
  • The brown bear was coming out of his cave.
  • I was prairie-dogging it.
  • I was poking cotton.
  • The torpedoes were armed.
  • The Tootsie Roll factory was in production.
  • Mr. Hanky was early for Christmas.
  • Logs were coming out of the lumber mill.
  • I was learning what Brown could do for me.
  • The space shuttle was leaving orbit.
  • The dog was jumping out of the bathtub.
  • Old Faithful was ready to erupt.
  • It was moments before a California mudslide.
  • I really had to take a Frank Stallone.
  • Mighty Count Chocula was about to emerge from his slumber.
  • I was going to start a new band entitled Shitpile! in my Pants.
  • My body prepared to do an emergency core ejection.
  • I was about to Jackson Pollack the back of my slacks.

and from his comments, these gems appear...

  • Taking the Browns to the Superbowl
  • ...ready to drop a chocolate potatoe
  • My Columbia is coming out of orbit with a small piece hanging off.
  • Dropping the kids off at the pool
  • Releasing a chocolate hostage
  • There’s one in the waiting room


and my own beloved (and oft-used) term,

  • I'm going to drown some mud hens.


And you thought I was just telling you about my own Green Apple Squirts just because I wanted to. Sheesh, you people...it was a legitimate tie-in, right?

My challenge, therefore, with full intent to let each and every one of you be childish and potty-humour oriented (Sigmund, eat your heart out) I ask for your own contributions to the I Gotta Go Right NOW list.

3 comments:

Stucco said...

Irr, there must be some shit in the air today- I just blogged about crap as well (prior to looking at your site), having been inspired by another poo post. I like the euphamisms, but in my parlance, it's normally a "peeker" or a "growler". On rare occasions, it's a Cleveland Steamer.

Cheers,

Irrelephant said...

Ah, the Cleveland Steamer. That's the one that I overlooked in my haste to get the poo-post up and running.

A growler. *lmao* I don't know why, that's just insanely funny.

Scott from Oregon said...

In Japan in the eighties Takeshita was the name of their prime minister. I used to say "I need to go visit the prime minister..."

For a more immediate dilemma, I say "I've got a dangling dingleberry making a run for it" or something along those lines...