Oct 31, 2006

What The Sam Hain?

That's one of those jokes that only works written out, since "Samhain," the Gaelic feast day that brought us Hallo'een is pronounced "sow-WANE."

Boy, I'm already reaching.

Don't expect a glowing All Hallow's Eve post from me, I'm a big fan of the season but this month has been a stretch for me, and honestly there's none better for Hallo'een creepy than Ray Bradbury. Read about The Family, or maybe just Something Wicked, that's a good one.

Still here looking for a literary, clever post? Sorry. No, instead you get:

The Horrific Top Six Tales Of Corporate Offices In Small Towns! BWAH-HAH-HAH!

6) The Strange-Smelling Fake Ficus Tree In The Men's Room That Wouldn't Die!
The spine-tingling story of a plastic shrub wot lurks in the Men's, ready at a moment's notice to be the place that all the stray droplets of urine and soapy water splashed out of the sink end up on.

5) Vulgar Wizard From The Corner Office
Why did VW come in this morning dressed as her husband? Why doesn't her camoflage match? Why does she know the difference between RealTree and MossyOak? And where are her piles of beercans coming from? Can you stand the horror?

4) The Sean P-Diddy That Would Not Disconnect
Thrill! As Sean P-Diddy rises from his uneasy grave! Gasp! In unbridled terror as he arises with his Cingular plan intact! Shiver! As he continues to use his cellular phone, EVEN IN DEATH'S COLD GRASP!

3) The Unfortunate Incident In The Ladies Lieu
It won't be flushed, it won't budge under the weight of all that tp, and nobody in the office is willing to face the madness, the mind-boggling fear that is produced by The Butter Troll II's Cleveland Steamer!

2) Right Hand Woman Takes One For The Team
She got the memo about dressing up for Halloween, but did anyone think that she'd dress up as a ketchup bottle so that everyone could turn her upside down and smack her on the bottom?

1) Is My Mileage Chargable?
The Silver Screen will never be the same again after Irrelephant. Weak-hearted people please don't attend this showing, as Irrelephant takes on hoardes of mouth-breathing, zombie-like RNs and LPNs who can't remember what colour ink to use on their visit notes and have never learned how to properly charge for medical supplies! THE TERROR IS PALATABLE!!!


Nancy Dancehall said...

*sigh* I read Homecoming every Halloween. A tip of the hat to you, sir.

Anonymous said...

I have to go pee now!