Nov 9, 2006

A Treat(ise)

Shaka Zulu.

"Why?" I hear you ask. Sit, my children, oh open recepticles, and let me pour my libation into your little heads.

"Why" is because what I really wanted to say was 'BOOMSHANKA,' shouted in a thunderous voice that would shake the very foundations of the sky, but I didn't have a way to sort of slide that into polite conversation. I decided that by using the more common phrase "Shaka Zulu" it would put you in an aboriginal African sort of mindset, and therefore more receptive to the sort of Watoosian verbalisation of "BOOMSHANKA."

"WHAT?" I hear you shout in confusion and just a little bit of gnawing hunger because you missed breakfast, the most important meal of the day.

BOOMSHANKA. It's the primal force that binds the universe together. It's got more uses than duct tape, and unlike duct tape doesn't have a light and a dark side, nor a name that is easily confused with a short, waddling alternate Thanksgiving fowl, unless you're one of those strange people who are purveyors of Turduckens, which are those horrid hybrids; a turkey with a duck jammed in it's watoosie that's had a chicken crammed up it's bottom. You also probably own a puggle or a pappinese or something wonderously stupid like that if you eat one of those biological monstrosities. The turducken, not the puggle. I've never eaten either.

Anwyay. Without it (BOOMSHANKA, not turduckens nor puggles) we'd all be blown into quarks or temperons or super string or something equally very small and dark and subject to confusion by high-school physics students. Turduckens may also be subject to scrutiny by high-school physics students, but only as a feast-day confusion rather than an actual physics question, although I think that stuffing three fowls together should be studied in hopes of stopping this monstrosity of biology. Not to mention physics.

BOOMSHANKA is the most poweful force in the universe, excepting for, of course, stupidity. Stupidity is BOOMSHANKA's kryptonite.

Yes kids, this is what sort of a day I'm having. Please send more powerful pharmaceuticals.


Nancy Dancehall said...

Boomshanka. Heh.

Damn. And I just got a test recipe from Cooks Illustrated for a turduken. The, ah, name leaves a nasty taste in my mouth anyway. Let a hyphen slip into the wrong place in that word, and, well, NO ONE would want to eat THAT.

Yeah. Home. Stumbling. Now.

Irrelephant said...

That word, risking some adult content ratings here, reminds me of performing oral sex on a lady--one slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.

God, I can't believe I just wrote that.

*stumbling home now myself*

Stucco said...

"May the seed of your loins be fruitfull in the belly of your woman" -Neal the hippie (from the Young Ones)

Nancy Dancehall said...

*finger pointing wildly*
HOW many times I gotta say it? Joined at the handlebars.


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Anonymous said...

"Stupidity is BOOMSHANKA's kryptonite." That is MY line, dammit! Hehehe

I'm opting for morphine drips to be placed at each of our "workstations". We'll see how that goes.

Scott from Oregon said...

boomshnaka ain't got nothing on Woohoohoo. Sorry, dude. Woohoohoo actually brings ladies to your doorstep, hungry for some Woohoohoo.

The last lady that wanted some boomshanka wanted to know if I had an extra roll she could take with her because she had forgotten hers.

Boomshanka should stay in Africa where it belongs.


Irrelephant said...

Woohoohoo, eh? Extra roll, eh? Neil the Hippe, eh?

We soooow the seed, Nature groooooows the seed, we eeeeeeeeat the seed.