Dec 20, 2006

I Dislike My Job Pretty Darn Intensely

I'm ready to beat some nurses down. I'm tired of their constant whining and carrying on. I was thinking this morning how very close I was to having a really cool job, one that was going to offer a real career option. A job that would make me a man. A made man.

The Mafioso.

Yeah, I had a chance to try out for the Mafia. I had been seen by a talent scout on the shooting range and me made me a great offer to become a hit man. A swank, uptown apartment, a lifetime subscription to Mafia Insider Magazine, and my own brand new American-made bullet-proof sedan. I made it easily through the classes, from "Introduction To Colloquial Italian" to "Etiquette of Driveby Shootings." I even aced "Extortion And Roughing-Up Of Foreign Shopkeepers." I was down to my last day, my Mafia graduation, and all I had to do was walk outside and shoot the first person I saw.

No problem. I walked out the door, turned to the left, walked one block and what did I see by a street performer. Out came the .357, *pop* *pop* and he was down. I went back to the classroom and got promptly escorted to the top guy, the capa de tui capa of Mafia U. He wanted to personally expel me from the school. Seems he got HIS start as a street performer in Italy, and was deeply offended (in a very personal way) that I had shot one of his fellow street thespians. He looked at me with those tired eyes, that jowly face, and in his best Godfather voice said:

"I'm sorry, son, but a mime is a terrible thing to waste."

7 comments:

Jennifer said...

*groan*

Irrelephant said...

Heh! I'll take that as a compliment, Jennifer!

Stucco said...

Bah-dum-bum! Oh, Irr...

Stucco said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vulgar Wizard said...

Aw, I was gonna groan! No fair!

Let's give credit where credit is due for our office woes . . . farther up than the nurses, where it starts and where it resides.

Irrelephant said...

Yeah, I know, but sometimes I just have to fart in church, you know? Sort of stir up the congregation, even if it is only to drive them, screaming and stampeeding for the exits.

Scott from Oregon said...

You sir, are a super callous fragile mystic vexed by halitosis!

You can make up the story as you see fit...