Dec 16, 2006

Mental Disorders And The Holidays

You gotta love it. 'Tis the season for all your crazy family to come to life, decking themselves (and each other,) old feuds get fresh kindling and roar into huge, house-burning conflagrations, and even Old Uncle Crazy, the Maniac Hand-Collector Killer gets into the swing of things. With his axe.

Being a certified (certifiable?) holder of a certified sheepskin in Psychology (which makes a nice draft-stopper under my office door when folded up just right,) I always find things like this enjoyable, so I figured I'd share.

Oh, and if you're fretting the lack of cold and/or snow where you are, just remember this: it's 75 degrees here in south Louisiana, headed for a high of 80 tomorrow, bright and sunny skies for the next week. I'm cleaning house in a pair of light cotton jogging shorts and a T, and I'm sweating. We've got a bonfire Xmas party to attend tonight, and I'm betting everyone will be in the swimming pool, instead.

So see, it could be worse.

________

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?

Amnesia - I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas

Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Queens Disoriented Are

Dementia
- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

Narcissistic - Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me!

Manic - Deck the Halls & Walls & House & Lawn & Streets & Stores &
Office & Town & Cars & Busses & Trucks & trees & Fire Hydrants and...

Paranoid - Santa Claus is Coming to Get me!

Borderline Personality Disorder - Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why

Tourette's Syndrome - Chestnuts...FUCK! ...roasting on...AAAUGH! an open fire...BALL SWEAT!

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle BellsJingle Bells JingleBellsJingleBellsJingleBellsJingle Bells...

Agoraphobia - I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House.

Autistic
- Jingle Bell Rock and Rock and Rock and Rock.

Senile Dementia - Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House In My Slippers and Robe.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House.

Social Anxiety Disorder - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate.

3 comments:

Scott from Oregon said...

Betty got a call from the Medical testing people, telling her that they may have got her husbands tests mixed up with another of the same name.

"What does this mean?" she asked.

"He either has Alzheimer's or he has gonorrea (sp?)..."

"How will I know?"

"Take him out into the city and drop him off. If he comes home, don't sleep with him."

Nancy Dancehall said...

Beautiful!!!
And dammit, I'd insist the bonfire be built close enough to the pool so that I could enjoy it from the water. Which disorder is that?

And will someone explain borderline personality disorder to me. Is that when you _almost_ have a personality? What is it?

Vulgar Wizard said...

totheleft totheleft totheleft totheleft...