Remember the good old 1980's? When things were so uncomplicated? I wish I could go back there again, and everything would be the same. I've got a ticket to the Moo...no wait, sorry, that's ELO's Ticket To The Moon.
Where was I?
The 1980's. Some of my most formative years. I learned a lot about Life in the 80's. I was just turning 18, and for a naive kid from the sticks there was a lot to learn about, and a lot to become confused over.
Up until the 80's I thought I had sex pretty well figured out. Tab A into slot B, who leads while tangoing, and I had read enough Cosmo and Redbook to know pretty much what a woman wanted from, well, everything.
And then along came the 80s, and along came MTV, and I was a ship without an anchor. Suddenly, sex was no longer simply foreplay, etc. No, according to the videos that I was watching, sex suddenly seemed to require exotic women, bizarre locales, paint, white horses running along foggy beaches, and a very extensive wardrobe which consisted mainly of slippers and pastel-coloured linen suits. Oh, and a Ferrari. Alternatively, I could score only if I wore psychotically-coloured spandex, had bleach blonde hair three feet in all directions, was disturbingly gender non-specific and had a pair of dark green Jaguars.
Keep in mind that at the time I couldn't even afford a Member's Only jacket or a pair of parachute pants. I didn't wear Izod, and I hated popped collars. I seem to recall resorting to my mainstay in clothing--loose T-shirts in a variety of basic colours and several pairs of red-tab Levis. I think the only concession to fashion I ever made was a brief flirt with a pair of hi-top Ponys, and that's because they were all I could find.
And then the 80's left me, mullet-headed, one ear pierced ("left is right, right is wrong") and quite frankly somewhat dazed and confused. What's worse, I don't think I ever got right again.