Jan 30, 2007

Raping The Language

Okay, peeps, if you're gonna send email to the entire corporation, at least make sure that your grammar, usage, sentence structure and other high points of grade school English are up to snuff? Please?

From corporate:

"Here is a specific update on the slowness enhancements that will be released today and the work that will be performed tonight."

Slowness enhancements. Okay, as it stands right now the network is so painfully slow that if it speeds up it'll break into a standstill. Now you're telling me that you're going to ENHANCE that slowness. Does that mean the network is going to start doing that Steve Austin "running top speed in slow motion" thing? When I print is the printer going to start making the "nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh" sound? Or are we going to have to endure a sort of phantasmagoric trail of slowly fading images from behind each monitor as we process the day's visit paperwork?

I can see the inter-office memo now: "All the pleasures of an LSD-induced trip without all the visits to your local dealer!"


Stucco said...

They've been to the George W. Bush school of writin' an readin' an stuff.

Irrelephant said...

Musta-coulda been, Stukko.

Vulgar Wizard said...

I was going to blog about this very same email message from the mooks at corporate, but you've done it much better than I would have and said the same things I was thinking, so thanks. :) One less thing for me to do.