Feb 1, 2007

Doublespeak

I die a little bit inside every time I read some new abuse or crippling of the language.

Our nurses use laptop computers to report their daily visits with our homebound patients, and when they download their visit information each evening I check to make sure that each visit was properly recorded in the system. And like any computer-based anything, the system fails occasionally and the visits go missing. When this happens I email our corporate IT group and ask them to find whatever I happen to be missing.

Ordinarily, this system works pretty well. I receive either a phone call or an email within a few hours telling me that the visit was found and returned to our system or it is missing and needs to be re-entered, or they otherwise direct me. Yesterday I posted for a missing visit and received this Orwellian email response:


**Note by IT employee name, 01 Feb 2007:
I cannot find this visit in vissearch, laputil or pocimports. Agent will have to manually reimport.


Wow. So, neither vissearch, laputil or pocimports had it, eh? Did you check rightthink, the Ingsoc manual or the doubleplus ungood domsub? How about running the Voit Kampf test, or maybe if you stuck the whole thing in the subetheric frammistantz and pinged the joycamp. Or perhaps IT is going to release a reliability enhancement, and all my public outcying is going to get me arrested for thoughtcrime.

Oh, please forgive me, I need to get back to work. The clock is striking thirteen.

2 comments:

Sam said...

Ha. "Pinged the joycamp." Nice.

Thanks for the link by the way.

Irrelephant said...

Glad you liked it, Sam. And you're quite welcome--I've really enjoyed reading your exploits. *s*