Feb 19, 2007

Mea Maxima Culpa

Okay. Before I get too much further and forget, thank you for the kind words that you guys posted on the previous entry and/or emailed to me. I had intentionally turned off commenting on that post for...I don't know. Fear? Seems it was utterly unfounded. Again, thank you. It meant a great deal indeed.

Kay. On with the new stuff.

I'm falling smooth the fuck apart. Getting old, you see, does that. I've been trapped here of late in a spiral of, well, falling apart. Had a doc's appt. today as a follow up on the Paxil, at which time I told him I had weaned my own self off it. He looked a little surprised, but took one look at my freshly-waxed moustaches, bristling with righteous something or other, smiled and said "Okay," in his Mexican accent, which I shall not try to reproduce here phonetically, because it would look more like "Hookay," but I digress. "Okay," sez he, "Just remember that for the next six months if you feel suicidal or want to kill anyone, be sure and call me."

I'm still not certain if he was joking.

The other part of my evening was spent getting a wrist splint (like Mad Max, only on my wrist and not on my leg, and not worth nearly as many cool points) and some non-steroidal (no neighing for me!) anti-inflamatory meds for my tennis elbow.

"But Doc, I don't play tennis" I said, gamely.

Seems about three months ago I damaged the ligament that runs from my elbow up and over the top of my forearm and terminates somewhere around my wrist, and it's never healed, only gotten more and more inflamed, which equals, for me, lots of pain whenever I do this ("Then don't do that!") with my arm. So it's a crazy black-nylon rig for me that makes me type all funny (it's taken me three and a half days just to write this much) and makes me itchy sweaty and is going to do terrible things to my tan not to mention preventing me from riding Betty (the bike) but hey, I'd rather stop hurting.

Oh, and did I mention that my eyeballs feel like they're made of chrome and are resting in a set of rusty orbits? I spent three hours online a few nights ago, sans overhead light, working on my taxes. "Labyrinthine" isn't the word for that process. "Sharp stick up the joxie" is closer, but let's not mince words...it was bad. But I got it done, and in exchange I seem to have strained my eyeball muscles.

Yeah, laugh all you want but I'm the one that's gonna puke all over you when I twitch my eyes around to refocus on something else and it hurts like somebody just stuck a sharp stick up my joxie. That being said, I'm going to cut this post short before I end up spending a whole week sitting here whining about the glories of getting older and working on a computer without good lighting or wearing my glasses.

The good news is that the doc says when this splint thing comes off I'll be able to play the piano, which is great, because I never could play it before!

(rimshot)

6 comments:

Stucco said...

Chrome eyeballs in rusty orbits? I'm still trying to work that one out. As for the docs suicide comment, he's probably legally obliged to say that. That and if you experience an erection lasting longer than four hours, call everyone and boast about it...

And you aren't fooling anyone with how you hurt your wrist. Learn to use the other hand from time to time, like the rest of us. Er... *ahem* So I am told...

Nancy Dancehall said...

Oh man! Feel better!

And like I said, it was a brave post. (Any words of wisdom for someone considering going ON meds for just the same reasons?)

Scott from Oregon said...

Twenty years of playing tennis and NO tennis elbow for me.

Mine was all from masturbating.

Stucco is right. Learn to be ambi... uh... ambi... uh..... oh for crying out loud! USE the other hand every now and then!

Mum says getting old is easy...

Tolerating it is the hard part.

Irrelephant said...

Stucco, you and Scott both need to realise that this ain't about me.

No wait, it is.

See, I was trying that old adage about using your off hand, upside down, so it would feel like someone else. Proves that this needs to be the last time I believe anything I read in Penthouse Letters.

Nancy? My advice to anyone considering going on mood-leveling drugs? Don't do it. Exercise, meditate, rock-climb, take up underwater basket-weaving, start cleaning your rifles and pick out a nice tall building with plenty of view, whatever you have to do, but don't go that route. The more I get clear of it the more I feel like I just kicked exactly what it was--a drug addiction. It wasn't me, it was me on drugs. I could have been using heroin for all that, except I don't have needle marks between my toes and under my tongue. It sure COST the same.

Vulgar Wizard said...

The arm brace? Picture it, guys; Michael Jackson circa the "Black or White" video.

Eeeee heeeeeeeee!

Scott from Oregon said...

yeah. I say, DO NOT start down the ood alterin drug route.

Go rock climbing instead.

Yeah.

With a rope.

Yeah.

And some instructions.

Yeah.