May 8, 2007

Aim Low

I think my sole purpose in life needs to become the pursuit of a position high enough in a company that I can liberally abuse my position while ignoring the withering scorn of my subordinates.

I'm not speaking of anyone in particular, just someone with a Personal Assistant in their office, a company luxury car and a Blackberry. With one of those goofy Borg earpieces that blink a very eerie blue colour. And I'd scorn most anyone who would sit still long enough for it. You know, come back from lunch about three hours late stinking of cheap perfume and several martinis, yapping into thin air on my cellular Borg implant and give whoever happens to appear in front of me one of those withering glances that says "I'm so important I pay for s.ex on my corporate AmEx and ash $25 cigars into the open mouths of panhandlers."

And when someone finally gets up the nerve and confronts me on it I'll start screaming incoherently, shout "Cheetah balls!" at the top of my lungs then fall through a piece of cheap office furniture and have to be rushed off to The Betty Ford Clinic for several months of detox and golf, all at full pay.

Just a thought.


Jay said...

And what a thought it is.
Are you speaking from any kind of experience here?

Irrelephant said...

Oh, er...not at all, Jay, no! There's no resemblance to anyone in our corporation like that at all! HONEST!

meno said...

This would make an excellent "Objective" on a resume. Try it and then get back to us.

Irrelephant said...

meno, I'll do just that. Thank you for the opportunity, ma'am, I'll certainly take all you've told me under advisement. And again, I really appreciate the opportunity to...what? Oh, yes, I'll close the door behind me. Yes, thank you again.