Jun 11, 2007

An Internal Memo

From: Tammy Smith
Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2007 1:50 PM
Subject: Recently reported "Overlapping Cert Period" error

Please be advised…. (Yo, we've got some gaming troubles again here at the Corporate Dungeon Master's Office)

The programming dept. (The Black Hand Orc Tribe from World of Warcraft) has done an emergency software release correcting the previously reported “Overlapping Cert. Period” error. (One of the fat guys tripped and hit the Emergency Reset Button.) This error was received by the users attempting to change the cert from/to to a previous date range. (If you were trying to work while we gamed, you were SOL.)


The patient had been recerted (cert from/to had been changed), after doing so the clinician decides not to recert. (And after we've ransacked the palace.) If the user tried to change the dates back to the previous cert period the system would not allow them to do so and display an error of “overlapping cert period”. (We did this just to make you freak out and think that you really REALLY need us here.) This has since been corrected. (That's our story, we're sticking to it. If you attempt to contact us about this, we'll just laugh at you and point our fingers and say it's a hardware problem.)

If the cert period needs to be back dated and billing has already been done on the current cert, the user will once again need to contact their Regional Director to get the MSKEY (It's a big gold key, covered in rubies, and you'll have to fight a Boss Troll to win it) to over ride the system checks. (You've gotta try to contact someone in Corporate who is nothing more than a name on a flowchart. This person does not exist, this job description does not exist. It's something invented by the Grand High Poobah to give the flunkies someone to blame.) In the past the system would allow the RDOO to issue the key, yet the key didn’t allow the user to over ride. (The Elven Armor Of Ethereal Creepiness would let you override this, but our Battle Lord Thugar The Crooked keeps it in his special chamber.) This too has been corrected. (Yeah, whatever. Bring us some more Mountain Dew and Cheetos, pathetic half-elf.)

Issues related to old certs, having dates changed to reflect a 60 day episode etc…. will still have to be corrected by the Programming Dept. (And we'll take our sweet time getting to it, so best pray it's not important.) Please feel free to contact me directly or contact the IS support desk should you have any questions. (Don't bother to contact me, because I'm too busy leading The Black Hand Orcs to a triumphant victory in the All-IS Department Intramural Buckets Of Blood WOW tourney, and even if I wasn't busy splitting Human's skulls I'd find something else to do so I don't have to deal with you peons. So there.)

Tammy Smith (Orthwarg the Humancleaver, lvl 75 Black Orc Warmonger)
Training Team Leader, IS Support (Lord High Poobah, Black Hand Orc Tribe)
Help Desk # - 800-673-3674 (Don't call, we don't care)
Direct # - 201-000-0000 (This phone rings directly to my trashcan.)
Fax # - 200-000-0000 (You can try the fax line, but all faxes fall off the machine into the shredder)
tsmith@homehealthcompany.com (Everything sent here is forwarded immediately to my SPAM folder and deleted, but feel free to use it anyway)


Maggie said...

Please tell me you didn't get this garbled memo? Of course whoever works at this company probably understands the anacronyms and so on but jeesh. Although the translation is spot on.

Irrelephant said...

Maggie dear, I posted the email I got just as it came to me. The only things I changed were the bits of info that would lead a stranger to finding out where I work and thence to getting me fired for pointing out in public that not only is the Emperor wearing no clothes, he has underlings who cannot write a coherent email to save their lives.