Aug 27, 2007

This Just In

Actually, I'm just in. Back in, that is from a very full trip to dreamlike, hurricane-magnetic Florida, where I have garnered more than a few stories for more than a few posts, which will be coming to you, er...soon. Not now. Still recovering from a 7 hour drive and ANOTHER traffic ticket. For those of you counting, that's two in two weeks, after several proud years of accident and ticket-free motoring.

Dear State Troopers of Iberville Parish: Parking your patrol car on the side of the road with the trunk open to hide the gumball machine on the roof and the words "State Trooper" across the trunk lid and then hiding your pork-smelling ass down by the right rear tire so as to appear like a stranded motorist so you can radar people from cover as they pass? That has got to be the shittiest, lowest trick I have ever seen a cop stoop to, and I've seen and heard of some real whoppers. I hope you're proud of yourself, because I'm betting your mother wishes she had opted for that alley abortion. And after I got that ticket? I sped the rest of the way home.

So, dear Readers, be watching this space for stories including such wonderous and diverse entertainments as --

Seagulls Reenacting The 'Angels-On-The-Beach Scene From City Of Angels
Wading Through A Bait-Ball: Arguably not Irrelephant's smartest shark-tempting moment
Pookie The Death Dealer Kitty


Dragging Fish Up from 230 Feet: Not As Easy As It Sounds But Dang They Sure Taste Good

Oh, and for those of you who have taken an unhealthy interest in my unhealthy interest in photographing trains, here's a photo of a train I took while heading back home.

If you actually want to SEE said train you'll have to click the photo to embiggen it, because I've found that when you spot a train headed east at 40mph across one of the thousands of miles-long bridges Florida has across all their dang water and you're headed west at 70mph and your camera is in the seat behind you locked in it's carry bag and you've got to get it out and turned on and focused and get the window rolled down and you've got a ton of road construction between you and said photo opportunity that's the best shot of five you could possibly ever manage without flinging yourself bodily out of the vehicle MacGyver-style to land darlingly on top of a pile driver.


Jean said...

heh... these should be good!
What part of the Sunshine State did you visit? It's where I be...

meno said...

I hate stupid cop tricks. On the highway to Breckenridge from Colorado Springs there is a town called (ha ha) Fairplay, where they inexplicably lower the damned speed limit to 20mph. I think they make most of their revenue from tickets.

JustCallMeJo said...

You're right, that is a LOW cop trick. Should be skulking behind bridges like decent cops.


Scott from Oregon said...

So you sped by a stranded motorist on the side of the road changing a tire (or so it appeared).


You deserve the ticket!

Irrelephant said...

Jean, it was in Clearview, about 25 miles east of Pensacola. I'm holding out some pretty high hope myself. Now all I gotta do is see if I can goat this Irrelephant guy into getting to it. Oh wait...

Meno, most of Louisiana is like that. There's a tiny little town called Woodworth just south of here that has a four-lane interstate running through it at 30mph. Beautiful little town. They can AFFORD to be beautiful, it's the Town That Tickets Built.

Jo, we get all sorts of dirty bastard cop tricks down here. It's all they do; sit around and think up dirty tricks. We've got one cop in the next town over who hides his motorcycle behind a pine tree and in his dark uniform stands in the shade with his radar gun. He's invisible except for his massive Dunlop (his belly dunlopped over his belt.)

Scott, I didn't used to, but ever since I was kidnapped by Belgian white slave traders posing as stranded motorists and sold into a prostitution ring in Holland where I was forced to work 18 hour shifts out of the back of a mini van as "Dixie Mae, Southern Belle" I just can't bring myself to stop anymore. When I get really nervous I still walk with a Belgian accent.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

In Coral Gables, there is a cop behind every stop sign. Every one.

I once got three tickets in one day for doing One Mile over the speed limit.

They are really dog down dirty in Florida.