Dec 12, 2007

Double You Tee Eff?

Have you ever used the "Next Blog" button on the top of your favourite Blogspot blog? The button that takes you randomly to some exciting new venue, some as-yet-unexplored vista of powerful writing, images to take your breath away, and undreamed realms of penis enlargement using only naturally occurring vitamins?

Yah, I made that mistake this evening. I make that mistake about once every four months or so, when I really need to be reminded what a massive traffic jam this new-fangled Information Superhighway actually can be the moment you decide to take an off-ramp into the City of Blog, population ever-expanding.

I've found it fairly safe going, following blog links off the blogs I usually read. This is sane and reasonable, and almost always guarantees me intelligent reading. I know, for instance, that if I happen to follow a link on Stucco's blogroll I'll find someone who writes with intelligence and humour, much like Hisself. There may be an unseemly amount of phlegm mentioned, or a whole post on underleg noises, but at least it'll be well written. I like to think that the same thing happens on my blogroll. The intelligence, not the underleg noises, tho there are a few grey areas out there. Follow any of those links and you'll find what I like to read--intelligence, humour, and talented writers.

But nooooo, I had to go and follow the "Next Blog" arrow with it's allure of something New! Unique! Interesting!

What I got was porn, politics, advertisements, more porn, some adverts for all-natural cleaning agents and an astounding number of foreign language blogs, some of which can be quite surreal when you see the photos and you begin to make up stories in your head to go with the photos, but that's just me.

Wow. A poo contest. Hold. Me. Back. Quality content free of charge.

Oh me. Is this world such a sad place that ninety five out of one hundred bloggers feel the need to sell something, and one of that hundred needs to show me photos of someone's poo? What happened to the bright shining promise of these internets? Where are the sites filled with wonders, sites that open one's eyes to the infinite possibilities of the human spirit? Is there actually a whole planet-full of computer-savy people out there who only want to show me something I don't really want to see in the first place?

And why would I possibly want to pay someone to show me how to put the business end of a shop vac on my manhood?


Maggie said...

Dear Mr. Irrelephant,

Thank you for clicking our sinister button. We knew when we devised it, one day we would get a large percentage of the intelligent blogging population to give in and hit it. What you thought was our innocent attempt at providing a way to get to know new people you are now finding is truly part of our grand plan to inundate the internet with foulness and suck you and others like you in to that muck. Congratulations and welcome to our quagmire! And why would we want this? Your guess is as good as ours.

The Ever Laughing Staff of the
Oft Broken Blogland

P.S. Your recent order for a, ahem, man enhancer is currently out of stock until after Christmas. We'll let you know when it is ready to ship. In the meantime, we hear there is an excellent offering just on the other side of that button. You know you want to...

meno said...

Well, there's just not much to say after Maggie's comment. Except that you could use that vacuum cleaner you mentioned to "suck you and others like you in to that muck" to quote the Divine Miss M.

Stucco said...

Thankee fer da' "props" Irr. You know, you suggest the trappings of a fine challenge-type activity- a contest of imaginations and captioning using foreign language blogs/photos. It may be the cough drops talking, but that sounds like it could be fun.

Oh, and also- ya shouldn'ae speak ill of the underleg noises. Necessary evil, wot?

Now where in the hell is my shopvac?

Irrelephant said...

Maggie, if that letter doesn't prompt Blogger from 'accidentally' erasing your account it'll be nothing short of an Xmas miracle.

Meno, I'm speechless. Still. *lol*

Stucco, you deserve it, sick or not. Heh. I may have to venture into that evil button once more just to find some of those photos, your idea is quite intriguing! As for the underleg noises...ah me. Potty humour. Gotta love it.

amusing said...

[Pssst. You forgot the "oh! Look how cute our new baby is" blogs with detailed accounts of the day the baby rolls over and shout-outs to Auntie Wilma in Duluth.]

Vulgar Wizard said...

"What I Got When I Clicked the 'Next Blog' Button" by Vulgar Wizard


Wanderlust Scarlett said...

I would highly recommend network blog searching; most of us have quality favorites.

My entire blogroll is very carefully chosen, and very good reading, laughing and learning - no matter what direction you choose to go in, and then just keep going from there. Blogrolls are good avenues.

I'd like to remind you that you are on my blogroll.

Stick with lists not random buttons; it's like russian roulette...

Scarlett & Viaggiatore