Jan 27, 2008

SFX Malfunction!

Show 5 of the Sunday Vagapocalypse is in the can and down the tubes, ready to lie in state for a fortnight, having already haunted me with a vexing variety of broadcast irregularities (like I've ever been regular) and a host of sound effects blowups.

Oh, the announcement: next Sunday's show is....well, is actually probably going to be postponed. But first, the meat of the pudding!

Stucco Disenchantment was our guest host this morning at the ungodly hour of 10:30 CST and was astoundingly devoid of lung butter! In the post-show wrapup with Nancy Dancehall, Schmoopie and my ever-loyal Co-Host Vulgar Wizard along with Helga I found out that The Sunday Vagapocalypse is the only thing that is able to rouse the slumbering Stucco from his Sunday morning bed, and that includes his wife prancing around nekid and/or a huge platter of Krispie Kremes. Damn, I feel powerful! Almost as powerful as that vibrating traffic warning/marital aid/meat substitute that Stucco and his Missus purchased.


So anyway!

The chat room was alive and disorderly with VW ably leading the pack as always, typing skills up to the task even with a life-threatening laceration to one of her fingers. Gordo The Geek pitched us a few floaters to add to the Catch Phrase List down below, and Stucco's guesting duties were admirably assisted by what sounded like seventeen houseguests whose delayed laughter confused the poor boy mightily. Between the BlogTalkRadio lag, the cellular phone lag and the reading speed of his guests Stucco was hearing the response to jokes I made on last week's show I think.

Back to the (blonde) bombshell I dropped earlier--it just occurred to me as I sat to write this, and now that it's too late to announce on the show that I'm likely going to be absent for next week's Vagapocalypse. Consternation! Fie! Other obscure espressions of surprise and shock! I'd managed to forget that we have a dog show to attend in Fort Smith, Arkansas (Land of No Teeth And Winding, Directionless Roads) next Sunday, and barring a massive upset in the ring (I love my dog but I don't see her placing Best against the sort of competition we face there) we probably won't even be leaving Arkansas until noon.


This is a casting call: I need someone to host the show next Sunday with Vulgar Wizard and Helga. If you feel up to the mightly task of talking on the phone for an hour with VW and a cast of thousands (*ahem*) then by all means let me know in the comments here or via email now, so I can start advertising as such. Baring an Act of Universe I'll be back with you guys for the Sunday after next, by which time I hope to have wrangled up a guest and a raison d' etre.

Now, without further ado:

The Sunday Vagapocalypse Weekly Catch Phrase List: Volume 1

(as lovingly and painstakingly compiled by Vulgar Wizard)

  • ass gaskets
  • ass chiggers
  • urinal talkers
  • go have a growler
  • Wink Martindale
  • zombie prom
  • triple x box
  • assless chaps
  • ass beret
  • wet naps
  • sex toy cone
  • putting the trunk to good work
  • French tickler
  • giant green dong
  • hard, molded plastic feathering
  • whisker burn

See what you miss when you go to Church on Sunday morning? Join us!


Gordo said...

My Lord, what a riot! I'm so glad to have finally not only remembered to listen, but I also managed to clear my schedule to be able to park my behind at the keyboard and join the fun!

Good luck next weekend, Irr.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Now see, I would've volunteered except for that list you provided. I don't know what two-thirds of those things are referencing!


Maggie said...

I see that you guys are all about ass and sex. I f*n missed again. I have a memory like sieve.

But I did dream about you and your show. Get this, I dreamt that President Bush called in and demanded that you shut down. You refused because you have freedom of speech and told him when he had proper court orders, you'd consider it. It was awesome. We (a bunch of bloggers) were all worried about you and making plans to hide you underground if need be.

Ain't I weird?

Clowncar said...

I could listen to your show live, but then how would I avoid work on Monday morning?

Glad you liked the poem.

Jean said...

Damn. Just by the list, I can tell I missed a good time.

Good luck in Arkansas!

Vulgar Wizard said...

No one wants to host the show!?!?!?!?!?!?!? ARGH!!!!!!

Batgirl said...

Holy crap! I've been absent for far too long! You can imagine my surprise to log on this AM and read about this nifty development! If we weren't going to a Superbowl party Sunday, I'd totally be tuning in...

Gordo said...

VW, make meno do it. That'll teach her to miss the meeting. :-)

Irrelephant said...

Gordo, I'm glad you came along for the ride (on time!) this time, and doubly glad you enjoyed it! Speaking for myself, I had a hoot!

Joan, that's the joy of it--you don't NEED to understand what's going on to have a good time with it! Heh.

Maggie, you're the best kind of weird! What an excellent dream, and I'm very flattered I had such a starring role! Keep it up and you'll make me blush!

Clowncar, somehow methinks an artful dodger such as yourself could come up with a whole handful of reasons right off the top of your head without having to drag me into the mess!

Jean, it was a doosie! I think we're all finally getting the hang of this radio thing. Just in time for me to miss the next Sunday broadcast. Grrrr!

VW, I'm sure once you get on there and let Helga have the mic a few times they'll be beating down the phone line.

BG, don't feel bad, I'll be in Arkansas watching dogs trot around in circles while Vulgar Wizard tries to fill my trunk... er... shoes.

And you know Gordo, that's a really good idea! I need to go browbeat her. Now where's my brow?