Feb 14, 2008

Poetry Friday Challenge: Time

Wow. Mona's gotten serious with this whole Poetry Friday thing. Last Friday's word, "Hit" made me really work for it, and this go-round the word is "Time." Evocative, wide-open, filled with boundless potential and I'm going to go for the easy route. Screw this whole stretching my creative boundaries. *lol*


I like Mythbusters on the Discovery Channel quite a lot. It's one of the very few shows I tune in to religiously, or at least make sure that the DVR has it down for recording. Last Wednesday's episode Adam and Jamie showed me something of true beauty. Actually it wasn't Adam and Jamie this time but Kari Byron.

Now to be quite frank, I'm not a huge fan of Kari. To be quite honest I like her least of the three co-hosts. She's a little flaky, a little too 'ditzy science chick' and just a smidgen too much 'token T&A to get the all-important 18-29 male viewers roped in.' Wednesday night, though, Kari made good. The myth was taken from the classic scene in the movie Predator where Aah-nold and his crew of muscle-bulging soldiers literally cut a section of jungle to shreds with a variety of machine guns, one of them being a GE Mini-Gun. If you're not familiar with the movie or the piece of equipment, it's a Gatlin-style multi-barrel electrically-powered monster that is usually mounted on the side of an aircraft gunship or on top of a vehicle instead of clutched in Jesse "The Body" Ventura's sweaty mitts. It's rate of fire is astonishing, it's accuracy is questionable but it's destructive power is unswerving.

The myth was that this tree-cutting scenario was possible, and the team of Tory, Grant and Kari proved it plausible. They cut down a section of pine tree trunk some two feet or so in diameter in forty-five seconds time with the Gatlin, firing fifty rounds per second, or three thousand rounds a minute.

Let's review that again. Cut. A. Tree. Down. In forty-five short seconds. It also caught fire just before it fell but that could have been from the magnesium-tipped tracer rounds that are interspersed with the regular FMJ rounds in the weapon's ammunition belt. It could also have been caused by the incredible friction caused by hundreds of copper and lead rounds entering it every second.

Now, if you haven't gathered by now, I'm a gun person. I don't subscribe to Guns & Ammo, nor do I obsessively collect weapons like my brother. I don't masturbate to photographs of the newest M-16 rifle and I don't have a secret stash of armament under the floorboards of the house. I do, however, believe that the only true way to be completely safe around firearms is to be familiar with them, which I am. I own and maintain several pistols and my father's collection of hunting rifles and shotguns, but to be honest the last time I was at a range was years ago and the last time I hunted my voice was still cracking. The fact remains, though: being a man, and being a little boy even more, the sound and sight of someone firing such a massive piece of destructive power as a vehicle-mounted Gatlin gun is awe-inspiring. Seeing a tiny slip of a girl fire it is just icing on the cake.

So anyway.

What I've been getting at was one particular scene in the telecast, a scene that will remain burned in my head until I can get someone to get me a screen shot that I can blow up to poster-sized and hang in my office (Mickey?): tiny, red-headed, pale-skinned Kari in a pretty green sundress and dark sunglasses, floppy brimmed sunhat perched on the back of her head. She's standing in the back of a HumVee firing an eight-barrel Gatlin-style machine gun in slow motion with the intent of successfully cutting a tree trunk in half. The frame shows just enough of the huge, blunt maw of the weapon that you can see the distortion of heat and smoke and fractured air erupting from the tips of the barrels. On the other side of the shot is Kari, literally calf deep in hot brass shell casings that are fountaining out of the weapon's fist-wide ejector port.

The expression on her face is priceless--a sort of composed, serious concentration. She wears a ghost of a smile that's more a straight line that a bow, and her hands show how tightly she grips the huge handles of the weapon. Her brow is furrowed down just a little bit as the muscles in her pale, thin arms work to keep the smoking, howling weapon aimed. The juxtaposition of tiny female body controlling that huge, gunmetal grey weapon is extraordinarily powerful.


Excuse me while I go clean and oil my personal sidearm.


Joan of Argghh! said...

So, um, you've never googled up "Mythbusters Kari Sexy" images?

Irrelephant said...

*lmao* Joan m'dear, I can truthfully say that while I did try to Google "machine gun Kari Byron Mythbusters" it did not, in fact, return any results I cared to see. I simply don't find the girl attractive, with the sole exception of that two-second long slo-mo clip. *G*

Gordo said...

Awesome. I'll cehck out the re-run. :-)

I always preferred Scotti. Tatooed AND she could WELD! Yow.

Irrelephant said...

THAT'S her name! Thank you, Gordo! I didn't mention her because I couldn't think of her name, could only remember that she had those stars tattooed across her collarbones. Yes, I have to agree. Scotti wasn't what I'd call classically pretty but she was SUBSTANTIVE. She could DO things, and that my friend means a lot more to me than a pretty face.

Clowncar said...

I searched you-tube for "Kari Mythbusters" (so easy - I think this intertubes thing is gonna be big) and watched a clip. Agreed - pretty but insubstantial. But you made me curious about the show.

It is really difficult to keep from making infantile jokes about things "fountaining out of fist-wide ejector ports." But I'm trying.

Vulgar Wizard said...

Fired off a few knuckle-children?

meno said...

That sounds like such fun. Maybe i'll go buy me one of them thair machine guns!

Gordo said...

There's definitely something about a woman with her own tools. :-D

Irrelephant said...

Clowncar, the more you read the more you find that about half of what I write is done with my hand over my mouth, snickering in an infantile way. *lol* I often leave openings just like that one (ooooh with the word play) for people with less talent to use. Glad you felt the pull but restrained. It's level 2 for you, my friend!

VW, I recall with some fondness the day I learned (in religion class, freshman in high school,) the definition of the word "onanism." *g*

Meno, you really ought to. Then dye your hair red, and rent a film crew for the day. Mmmmmmm. Now where did I leave my polishing rag?

You know Gordo, I never really saw the attraction of the "bimbo with AK-47" poster but the thought of a woman who knows how to use power tools (other than The Cone, no offense Schmoop) makes the hot blood in me wake up.

Mother of Invention said...

Interesting take on TIME! The world for a split second still pic!

Irrelephant said...

Thank you, Mom! It tickled me how the show seemed to go hand in glove with the word--talking about rates of fire and how they were timing the 'sawing' and so forth, and then of course the slo-mo, which renders time all distorted and confused.