Jun 7, 2008

Collect THIS

Collection agencies. I've had very limited dealings with them, mostly back in my past, and I like to keep it that way.

They're vile, despicable creatures, collection agents, but they're doing a necessary job: making you be responsible. I learned early on how easy it was to get into debt, very deeply, and also how tough it is to get back OUT, but I'm getting there. My ex-wife, however, still has someone chasing her.

When she divorced me she took a brand new Honda Civic and her Texaco card and high-tailed it some 1500 miles to the East Coast to shack up with some loser. Stayed there two months then hightailed it from North Carolina all the way to Oregon, where she finally went to ground. Now, don't think she had any cash to pay for this exodus. No, it all went on her Texaco card. Gas and any sort of food she could get in a Texaco station.

Never paid a penny on the bills, naturally. Which for a while kept coming here. I being the dutiful ex-husband kept writing and calling and so forth, telling these people her new address, her new phone number and her old name. With only their best interests at heart I kept tabs on her just so I could help her creditors find her.

Why do I bring up something, you ask? A piece of long past, an event that happened almost twelve years ago? My answer?


Disgust over how Texaco STILL has not collected their bill. I received a letter for her the other day from a company called MKM Acquisitions, LLC based in New Yawk. The reason I give their name? Because they're obviously profoundly, purblind stupid. They're so mouth-breathing insipid that they're still asking for her to pay this bill by a letter sent TO MY HOUSE. A house she left some dozen years ago. Uhm...guys? I told all of you a long time ago where she is. I know that you bought the account from Texaco, I've told you before where she is. I've told you her new phone number. Even her cellular number. I've done everything but hand deliver your insipidly misdirected letter to her front door. A simple check on www.zabbasearch.com will GIVE you her current address and telephone number, and will tell you that she last lived here, the address you're now vainly trying to reach her at, VERY many years ago. What's cool? It'll tell you where she is NOW.

Oddly enough it's gonna match the information I gave you a decade ago.

Jeebux H. Gold-Plated Cripes, people, how do you stay in business if you can't even use simple tools like the internet to find these deadbeats? I mean, come on people, this isn't rocket surgery! You've even got her SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER for pete's priapic sake! If you can't track one now-gainfully employed person in this country with that vital and most important piece of information then maybe you're in the wrong business! Holding your letter in my hand I can only assume that you are in fact in the wrong business because you're still vainly fumble-fucking around with the address that was on a credit card some decade or more ago, trying to collect a bill.

End of rant.


Stucco said...

"Jeebux H. Gold-Plated Cripes"? Way to let your hair down there, Shirley. I should send you some Tabasco & Fisting Sensory Deprivation porn to expand your repertoire a little...

Maggie said...

ok, well after what Stucco said, there just can be nothing more to add.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Hon, they KNOW she's not there. It's just some simple psychology they're attempting.

I have a co-worker who unwittingly stepped into it with an online scam for loans. We've all been called, at work, by the collector creep who has no legal basis for his claim against her. We've been harassed and insulted by him. All of her family members have been called at their workplace and at home.Her bank account has been repeatedly hit by his attempts to collect.

Fortunately, her sister is a paralegal at a BIG law firm. They got tired of the creep calling them at home, as well.

Things got pretty quiet, pretty fast, as the boilerroom had to shut down and move to another state.

Nancy Dancehall said...

Dammit Stucco, why do you have to bring my past into everything!

Oh, whoops, not my blog. Carry on.

Vulgar Wizard said...

Goat dues? Nice.

You've been tagged; feel free to ignore it. LOLhttp://munchkinn76.blogspot.com/2008/06/its-question-time-again.html

Vulgar Wizard said...

We should send Stucco some Tabasco sauce. Period.

Franki said...

You had me at "for pete's priapic sake".

Jay said...

Excellent, excellent rant.
I raise my glass to you, sir.

Irrelephant said...

Can't help it, Stucco. I still feel more pity than rage at morons like this.

Maggie, you wound me! *lol*

Joan, I just learned that! I can't believe the statute of limitations is only 4 years. She beat the system, damnit! *lol* And now these vultures are praying (heh...pun) that I'll be stupid enough to simply send them money to make them leave me alone... wow. I am SO in the wrong business.

Nancy, I'm speechless. And a little disgusted. *g*

VW, goat dues and nothing but. Tag received, I'm sure I can make some time at work today. Heh! And I think the Tabasco is an excellent idea. I'll bring the fist.

Franki, I'm glad I can make some folks sit up and take notice. *lol*

Thank you, Jay! It's nice to be appreciated for using more than a continuous string of four-letter schoolyard words.