Sep 14, 2008

It's Raining AGAIN?

Wow. I am so freaking SICK of rain. I'm starting to grow mildew on the soles of my feet and the insides of my ears. I'm tired of branches falling in my yard. And I'm sick and tired of being stuck inside when there's a ton of things that need to be done OUTSIDE. I can stay inside all day when I'm at work--when it's the weekend I want to be OOOOOOOOOOOUT.

Never mind the fact that there's seven mosquitoes per cubic inch of air out there right now, and thank YOU, Gustav, for ripening and giving wet places to hatch all those billions of evil bastards. Especially those flying 10cc syringes the Tiger Mosquitoes.

Gods I hate you.

So anyway. Something to occupy my time between utter and complete madness and bedtime*, stolen from Joan who probably stole it from some hard-working, honest, upright Democrat. *wink*

A meme

1. My uncle once: moved thirty feet of US Interstate 101 using only the powers of his mind.

2. Never in my life: have I done anything that required more than four or five stitches to fix right up.

3. When I was five: it was a dark and stormy night?

4. High school was: a blender into which my hormones, religion, guilt, sex, more sex, a 1978 Dodge pickup that rarely ran properly, some studying, a lot of angst and depression and a lack of getting laid by the right woman were all tossed into and which was then run on "Puree" for four hellish years, and thank YOU very much Holy Saviour Menard Central High School.

5. I will never forget: the first girl who broke my heart. Violet Thompson. Second grade. Lying bitch!

6. Once I met: the guy who used to paint all the dotted lines on the highways. By hand. He had a heck of a steady hand that guy.

7. There’s this girl I know: she lives on the hill, she won't do it but her sister will.

8. Once, at a bar: No, Stucco will flay the skin off me if I do a bar joke here.

9. By noon, I’m usually: wishing that the Moon would crash into the planet, thereby erasing all human life like a giant Reset button just so my co-worker, Sweaty Fat Rolls would shut the eff up.

10. Last night: I dreamed I was playing footsie with someone.

11. If only I had: the operation, THEN I could open up with a hail of deadly bullets mixed with napalm from the biomorphic cannon in my chest and destroy those old people who drive really slow in the fast lane with their left blinker on. "Going on a world tour to the left, Grandpa? Get you some of THIS! BA-DOW!"

12. Next time I go to church: I'm gonna hold my fart in until I get outside. I swear.

13. What worries me most: is that irritating little voice I keep hearing in my head. Oh wait, they fired her Friday! WOOT!

14. When I turn my head left I see: stars because I seem to have turned it too far.

15. When I turn my head right I see: that the sun has finally come out, now that it's too late to start any sort of meaningful project today. Broke it right off in me, didja Ike?

16. You know I’m lying when: I begin to unconsciously manipulate my very naughty bit indeed.

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: thinking it all really meant something.

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: either Rosencrantz or Guildenstern; a secondary character who means well but is all the time confused, conflicted and being set up in the end to be hung by the neck from the gallows pole.

19. By this time next year: I hope to not be sitting in front of this computer wishing the sun had come out two days earlier.

20. A better name for me would be: Hey you!

21. I have a hard time understanding: this question.

22. If I ever go back to school: it'll be as a cadaver for giggling college-age girls to peer at.

23. You know I like you if: I talk to you.

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: myself, for busting my arse to earn it.

25. Take my advice: and don't listen to a thing I say, it's all stewmeat and puppets anyway.

26. My ideal breakfast is: fresh from a chicken's naughty bits.

27. A song I love but do not have is: that one that goes like that, you know, by that guy?

28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: pack up and head back north before the mosquitoes turn you into a bird-flu-riddled husk.

29. Why won’t people: just listen a little more?

30. If you spend a night at my house: you'd better not mind animal dander or mosquitoes.

31. I’d stop my wedding so: I could run after a streamliner train thinking there's a chance in hell I'll get a good photo of it.

32. The world could do without: lawyers.

33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: spend another rainy day inside not trainspotting, doing lawn maintenance or a thousand and one other projects that are always lurking around.

34. My favorite blonde is: Belle.

35. Paper clips are more useful than: a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

36. If I do anything well it’s: stand around with my mouth open.

37. I can’t help but: think that gravity has it out for me.

38. I usually cry: in the presence of women out of sheer terror.

39. My advice to my child: is to toss the lot and make your own decisions about everything.

40. And by the way: I'm probably lying.

* Something other than taking pictures of the dogs.

Belle smelled something in the rug there. Oddly enough that's also where I lie when I do my back exercises. Perhaps she smells middle-age despair and lower back pain?

Penny, about as bored as I am. Granted this was about the fiftieth shot I'd taken of her. trying different flash settings.


Joan of Argghh! said...

Hey, I got nuthin' against honest, hard working Democrats. I used to be one.



Nancy Dancehall said...


Now I feel guilty for laughing at your pain and suffering.

I thank you for #22. I wouldn't giggle; I'd ooo and ah! ;-)

Clowncar said...

I have little to no idea what "it's all stewmeat and puppets anyway" even means, but it's a damn good phrase.

Sorry about all the rain.

Irrelephant said...

Just had to poke you (gently) with a stick, Joan. Make sure you were still awake. *wink*

Nancy, no need to apologise, I'm used to it. *g* It's funny, but the year they began offering it here in LA I opted for the body donation after death on my license. I figured it'd be more useful as a poke-n-prod thing than hermetically sealed in a lead box where not even the bacteria can get out.

CC, that's a throwaway line from the old Ren And Stimpy show. Ren was telling Stimpy that cartoons weren't real, "'s all done with stewmeat and puppets." I remember laughing so hard I almost peed at that line.

meno said...

The world could also do without mosquitos.

Irrelephant said...

meno, I'd be QUITE happy without 'em. I was trying to take photos of some little glass-bellied gekkos on the patio this evening but had to get out. I swear the mosquitoes were trying to bore into my brain.

Mona Buonanotte said...

"stewmeat and puppets"...I'm totally stealing that line!

Rayne said...

The mosquitoes! OMG!!!! This spring when it was all rain and whirling death from the skies we had major mosquitoes. Literal clouds of the damn things, like the kind you see in national geographic documentaries before the wildebeest start shrieking from the pain and sheer madness of it and run off cliffs. Unfortunately, there are no cliffs in Nebraska.
Questions: If you had had that operation wouldn't it be dangerous to fart? Or sneeze? or hiccup?

Mother of Invention said...

Summer of rain and major mosquitoes here too! We even had black flies still in Aug.! One reason to look forward to impending winter.

Neat answers to the meme!