Sep 25, 2009

A Message From The Arkansas Dept. of Tourism

Moving to Arkansas?  Welcome, and make yourself at home!  There's something we'd like to give you!

When moving to Arkansas to become a new resident, we like to issue each of our new rural homeowners a few starter Arkansan gifts.  When you settle into your new home, you'll receive:

A mid-40's coupe, non-functional, to place in your front yard.  This object can also be put up for sale, to fulfill the main requirement of having at least one item in your front yard for sale.  Preferred sale items are fresh produce, vintage automobiles, tractors, or slag glass.

An 1800's era item of agricultural equipment, also non-functional.  This is to be used as side-yard decoration, main focal point of your yard, or to tie your dog to.

One dog, indeterminate breed.

A dilapidated farm building, usually a barn but we reserve the right to substitute. Some substitutions include smoke houses, pump houses, or sheds.  All will exhibit a slight lean, and be just barely unusable but also unrepairable.  Your choice to let it become overgrown or kept clean, "because I'm gonna fix it up one day soon."

If you are moving into one of our two major cities (population 500+) then the above will be negated in favor of a mid 90's truck in at least two paint schemes and a single-axle trailer which you will be required to keep full of agricultural products, ie hay, a lawn mower or a farm animal.

We're pleased you decided to move to Arkansas!  Us all here at the Tourism Bureau want to make you feel as comfortable as possible, and making you fit in will go a long ways to helping you feel like one of us good 'ole boys.  And remember, ya'll come back now, y'hear?

3 comments:

Gordo said...

Snicker. I know a few areas up here like that as well. One of them is described thusly: "They still burn crosses up there!"

Irrelephant said...

I think there's places like that all freaking OVER, Gordo.

Batgirl said...

Beautiful. Just friggin' beautiful! LOL I've been struck with a case of the giggles having read that. Thank you! LOL